I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
my phone needs a breathalizer
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
