When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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