I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
