There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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