I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
