i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
