how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Boobs speak an international language.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My breasts were aching with rage.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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