She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
