We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He? As in you personified your dick?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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