I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
