It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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