Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
