I wish I only lived at night.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
the condom got lost in my hair
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
