bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize