At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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