This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
foreskin is a definite game changer
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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