home. puking in laundry basket.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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