It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize