they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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