it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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