....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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