Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
