...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just invented taco cereal.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
