You're so nebulous sometimes
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
