textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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