You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i think i have two assholes
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
