I feel like abortions should bother me more
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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