i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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