The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
