I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize