pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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