This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
