we have pet lesbian snakes
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
