Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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