I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
