His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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