scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
The adults are the big ones right?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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