I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize