If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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