.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
