I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize