that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
