just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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