there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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