i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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