Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
