the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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