just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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