woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
