swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
