The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
