i just wanna soil my oats bro
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
