I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
