it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
