i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
