So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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