Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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