Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
