Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
In America we eat man semen.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
