Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
