dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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