i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I am one with the molecules
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