The best revenge is premature balding
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
