I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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