Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
