after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
